The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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