I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
