Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
