I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
