david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
