Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
