Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
