I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize