all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
