That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
