whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
