Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
