Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My penis needs a shock collar
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
