I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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