Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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