It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
