I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
smell my finger.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
