glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
