its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
