My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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