She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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