He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
