Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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