We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dicks are not precious.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
