He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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