I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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