she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
