I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
