She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
