I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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