I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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