Tell her she can't have a vagina
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
