i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
