Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That accounts for only three of the penises
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
