so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
whose ass print is on the piano?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
