I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize