Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
