Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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