dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
