What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize