I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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