i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
