gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
