Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
