literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
