my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
