Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize