when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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