i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
