I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
