ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
