You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
