To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
