words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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