If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
