omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
