I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
