How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
