we're blogging at a bar
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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