So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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