Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
