we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
