he shaved USA in his pubs
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I pour the whiskey from now on
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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