ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
